Tuesday, January 25, 2011

My Sweet Sister

First of all, let me say I love my sister. After my husband and son she is my favorite person in this world. She is kind, sensitive, loving, and a fabulous sister. She is also super-duper fertile. She has been married for eight years, and is pregnant with her fifth child. Her oldest is seven, second is five, third is three, youngest eighteen months, baby due in June. I really don't know how she does all she does and finds money in the budget for everything (her hubby doesn't make a ton of money and he's a student right now). It's funny but I have never struggled with her easy (and often unplanned) ability to get pregnant.....until this one. It has a little to do with my miscarriage, and her ill-timed doctor appointment the day before my estimated due date when she discovered she is having a little boy. But, also that we try unsuccessfully to get pregnant and it happens for her when she is trying not to get pregnant. "The only time it could have happened was when I was on my period!"
I feel so guilty that I am not ecstatic for her this time.  I feel guilty because I haven't called her since she told me what she is having (it was actually her first appointment since discovering she was pregnant, she was about eighteen weeks pregnant at that point).  I feel guilty because I love her so much and I know that she struggles with my infertility too.
So, I am praying and hoping that I can change my feelings and quit avoiding her and support her right now, because her struggles in life are more challenging than my inability to conceive. I need to not be so selfish!

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